Feeling like Rebecca.. not totally.. but similar.. not complaining either :D

Sometimes I feel encouraged, sometimes i feel the opposite..

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Most of all i'm tired out and yet could not stop thinking about what should I do next for God and His people.. I do try all I can to be all that I could for others... but i'm no superwomen.. I am limited in power and strength.. when would people understand that?? When would they realize that i'm only human..

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I loose sleep for thinking too much for the young ppl.. Things that I need to pray about and God led me to sleepless nights to pray for the young ppl everytime one of them are in trouble.... then last night, Nigel got a fever that scared me until I couldn't really rest either.. first time ever he feel cold?? but he is so warm!!! i almost resorted in calling Alexander's God father to come send Nigel to the hospital.. coz even if I could drive, its a bad idea to drive in such a pregnant condition with a very sick hubby and a sleepy toddler.. So I just pray a little prayer and made Nigel feel as comfortable as I could.. then i slept outside last night so he would have more space.. Went into the room a couple of times during the night to see how he was doing.. he fell asleep finally and during the wee hours, he took off the warm jackets and turned on the fan.. ah.. Thank God he is getting better..

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Then the next day, we went to check on my little baby in my tummy :) with Nigel still being unwell.. still inssisted on going on that day for the check up.. Couldn't take her face this time asthe position is a bit off.. perhaps the next time lar.. :) After that, we went to see the doctor.. and Nigel got a jap for his fever..

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Not complaining about having to take care of Nigel and my family during pregnancy.. They are my family, my responsibility, one of my top priority... or even praying and planning for CPY.. It's the physical need the church and the ministry have on me tt is taking it's toll.. 'my spirit is willing but my body is weak.." and i'm not talking about temptation.. i'm talking about helping ppl even... ah... I'm sorry to those that I have to say "NO" to.. Especially those that needed my help.. I can give advise, I can lend a listening ear, I can pray for you and chat with you on msn, care for you and guide, teach and mentor you... BUT, i cannot be the 'transport minister' for you for very long (even though Nigel is THE person holding the key).. I cannot be there PHYSICALLY (with my whole body there with you) all the time.. I could not split myself into two or more to do all that I could do... I wished I could but I'm Not God.. yet sometimes, I just feel everyone is relying on me solely.. After this person cannot deliver.. all eyes will turn to me.. Then ok, i'll have most of the solutions.. I know that is part of being a leader, I do.. Coz when I do something and when I say i try my best, there is nothing less in my effort in doing it.. NOTHING LESS; ALWAYS THE BEST...

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The best that I humanly could do though... the rest I have to leave it to God..

I will still do my best for God's people.. but I only need your understanding.. That even if I said "I cannot.." "No" "I am not able to be there.." "You will have to find your own way.." etc.. doesn't mean i dun care, love you less or even abandoning you.. I am always there for you but in a different way now that I'm in a different stage of my life.. I've always been there for you and all of you know that.. I have served the the youth ministry for the longest time anyone, besides pastor, Jeacie and the elders, in any other ministry in the church and my life have changed from university students, to a working young adult, to a married women and now a mother of, soon to be, two.. I only ask for understanding and love which.. some of my comrades in church understands and really took care of me and my family.. Thanks guys.. you know who you are.. and some of the young ppl who are very understanding and mature enough to know the difference... Thank you too, for being a blessing in my life..

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This year, CPY members are being more independant, more responsible and more willing to do God's work, His will and most of all.. serve the Youth ministry and God's church.. Thank you for those who are serving right now.. truly an encouragement I long to see all these years.. Please continue to serve in His glory.. You will not be dissapointed at the fruit and the harvest you have sowed into His Kingdom..