1 year ago today...

I thought I would loose myself to this madness... I thought I would never recover..
I thought I would be a different person all together..

I thought the pain will kill me slowly.. I thought the lost would left me wounded for life..
I thought the hurt will never end till the day I die..

I thought wrong...

I'm not as strong as I thought I could be.. that's why I found that Jesus is always with me..
I'm not that logic when it comes to emotional pain.. that's why God's love surrounded me then..
I'm not that good at pretending everything is well.. that's why God's people always there still..
I'm not alone.. I know.. because God almighty are always there as He said, "Peace, be still."

A year ago today, my mother took her last breath, as I lay next to her bed and saw her slowly drifted away... She was in much pain, she was in much agony, but I know now that she is with the Lord Almighty..

I sometimes still cries when ever I think of her... especially before I go to sleep or even in the shower.. it is the only time perhaps that's what I think.. that I could cry and let my tear drip...

I miss her dearly, so much so to have her handphone number still in my address book.. I still wonder when will I have the courage to press the delete button... No, I'm not crazy and I'm not going to call.. Just having the number there.. reminds me of her good soul... I will eventually delete it perhaps when I do I will show my children too.. How I miss their grandmother and hope they will too.. They may not know her, but I'm sure she would love to.. may be one day when we are all 'Home" again.. we'll have a loads of time to make amends...

I miss you mom...