This year’s CNY will be the most unhappy CNY for me, I knew this would come eventually just didn’t thought that it would be so soon. I wished that this things can be delayed but then at whose expense? I rather not wish for anything foolish; I rather not talk about it; I rather not..
I heart aches in pain and is slowly meeting a breaking point, not yet but soon. I cannot imagine what will happen when I go back, it has always been happy and sad whenever I leave here and go back. But this time, there is only sadness that accompanying me. I don’t know what to do, what to say, how to pray.. I just don’t know.
It is happening again after 15 years of my life, it is happening again. Why must it be now? Can’t it wait? But who am I to question God’s will? I wonder, if I pray hard enough would it be as I wished? Do I really know any better? I rather not, I rather let God decide and His will be done. Is it cowardly to do so? to take the easier way? Let God be God and let it be?
There is no easier way in this, all I can do, all anyone can do is to know by Faith that God is sovereign and He has our best interest in mind.
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