I'm home...

The news of my mom’s illness was painful. She called one night to request our return and it was very sudden and sad. After hanging up the phone I could barely hold my tears what more talk. I cried a deep cry but the pain in my heart didn’t go away.

After her phone call on Sunday night, Monday afternoon was another phone call that toured my heart in to pieces. My Step sister and step father called and told me that my mom’s cancer had spread to her lungs, colon and shoulder-in other words all the vital organs has been infected and there is no cure nor chance of survival. It is just a matter of time.

I knew this day would come eventually but not this soon. It was only last month that we spent time together chit chatting about the good old days and the things we plan to do. The cancer spread like the wild fire in a forest, nothing can survive its rage. Nothing was spared. Nothing at all...

I broke into tears there and then after receiving my step sister’s phone call in the restaurant. My friend tried to comfort me but there is nothing anyone could say can make me feel any better. Even though some of my well meant friends ask me to be prepared for anything but it does not help at all. The only preparation to this is the things that my mom has in possession but my pain, my agony what can make it go away? Nothing...nothing at all...

My heart sank even deeper when i am not able to go back straight away because I was still sick since the New Year’s Day. So i need to get well soon and that means no more crying or my cough will get even worst. I kept myself busy with work and with Alexander.

I couldn’t really focus on work so i took a few days off to recover and if i got better sooner i can go back earlier.. i stayed home and spend time with Alexander. One of the comforts I get is from Alexander’s no-teeth-smiles. It is the sweetest thing on earth at that moment.

My cough have it’s ups and downs.. but i can’t wait too long. I need to see my mother. So i booked the earliest flight home and try to keep myself healthier.

I feel so sad to have to leave Alexander but i must for a short while. I hold my tears so tightly but when I arrived home, I cannot bare to go into the room and look at my mom. The doctor said she only have 3 weeks or less. She is in pain most of the time so the doctor gave her something stronger to rid of the pain. I can’t hold y tear when eventually i entered her room...

I got the shock of my life because she looked so weak, so frail, so tired. Her whole being is but the skin covering her skeleton frame; i can’t stand seeing her like this! I can just die! i am in so much pain i couldn’t sleep, I couldn’t say anything... I just held my mom and waited for her to awaken for a while so i can let her know that i am home.. and I did manage to tell her.. that I am home…