I'm so lousy...

I'm such a lousy employee... really I am..

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In the past when I started my first job i am the most hard working, most creative and most fun to be with. But right now, I am just very demotivated.. perhaps my personal life has spilled over to my employment side that caused me to feel and act this way..

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But this is an ascuse or is this the real reason? it's either that or I am a lousy employee lar.. it's very contradicting at times, i know i am good in what I do but I don't feel like doing it.. lousy lar tu!!! haih~~~

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I think this is my short fall.. it reminds me that I am not so perfect.. it reminds me that I am sinful.. I mean, in all things i rely on God but this is one thing that I don't really care much for.. thus.. ends like like this lor~~ Working is just to earns ends meat... tt's wht I perssive but i know i should be a good example in my working place.. but i almost always fail to do that... I'm just a lousy employee sometimes..

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Not that I am not good.. just not good enough I guess.. I am more of a personal person then a emplyment person.. I dunno you all out there understand this or not..

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I think I can be a good mentor, good teacher, trainer, presenter (in sales and marketing even) etc... but in what I do now.. it's so mandate!!! so boring!!! may be i need some spice? i need some adventure? may be change a job? I really dunno right now.. I promised my mom that I wouldn't change my job (becuase economic is bad) and I intead to keep my promise.. until when? I pray that the Lord will guide me in this..

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I just feel that sometimes I am very unfair to the company... msn-ing, read facebook (even though everyone in the company does it) etc.. I have reduce these activities tremendously and still I feel I need more than this... I dunno how to explain lar.. :(

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So long lar my "cerita" today ahahaha.. anyway... I leave it to the Lord... he knows me better... I know I should know what to do by now.. and I do... just the mind is willing the body is weak..

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