God's will be done (mar..)

Taking a break from ministry is not as easy as I thought.. my mind still wonders to those that I care but doesn't want my care.. My heart still aches when they aches and my soul cannot rest when i know they face with troubles.. but I know I need to let go and let God.. 

Even during the Sabbath Jesus continues to do good and heal people, did miracles and you know what He thinks about doing good during our rest time? He thinks it's a great idea :) and even though I am not in my usual time and place to comfort, pray or even speak into someone's life.. I am living my calling for those who needed me. I still need to put my priorities straight because this is the time where I must seek God more than people; but it seems that I see more people in need than me needing God? rather than me getting someone to minister to me, I get to minister people.. And not that my family or friends is not supportive, it's just that I realized, what Jesus must have been thinking when he faced this same predicament..  

I mean there was time He needed to be alone; there was time He needed to rest and there was time He wanted to just "Lord, please take away this cup..." and yet in the end, He pull through all emotional barriers and physical challenges. We all know Jesus is God, but He is not without emotional and physical limits ya know.. He really really pull through by knowing what is more important to the Father and continue to obey Him.. Jesus knows the value of people, yes, even those that does not appreciate Him, (or worst! those that crucified Him!) those that mock Him, those that walk away from Him etc.. Jesus still loves them and He heals them, cared for them and in the end died for them.. 

Why do I use the word them when I could well be one of ''them"? Because I feel I am in Jesus shoe this time (or perhaps He is in my shoe? because He is telling me that He knows.. He knows how it feels like bring me right now.. He knows what I am going through right now.. He absolutely understands without a doubt, why i feel how I feel right now..) It is as if, Jesus put me in His shoe and opened my eyes to see, to feel and to understand that He went through far worst.. T.T I am sure in some point of my life I have been like "them".. but as far as I could remember, I tried to live without being like 'them'.. I gave it my best to not break Jesus's heart.. but my heart keeps breaking, and no time for me to heal property.. thus, my resting season is here now.. but Jesus didn't had time also, so many people need healing and need ministering.. yet with all the craziness, He will take time to pray.. and then continue to minister another day.. :) 

I should rest, get my priorities straighten out and continue to do good.. I said before, "Here I am Lord, use me." Now I am saying "I am still here Lord, use me."

Wow!!! That's my whole Saturday this week XD

Stay at home and making photobooks for a friend! (And some cards for others.) but boy, was that some hard work right there.. Phew.. Searching for the right photos, verses and then decorating it, finding te suitable frame, back ground, mask etc.. It was fun!!!!

As I go through albums and albums choosing (hopefully) the right photos for her, the exercise brought back loads of fond memories.. It was our friendship, pass n present.. May it continue until one of us kick the bucket.. Hahaha.. 

As we grow older, there are some friends that you really couldn't live without.. And there are friends whom you miss to bits.. And there are those whom you still waits for their 'hello' from a far.. Friendship is truly 奇妙 (how to explain this feeling, it's like funny, miraculous, weird, lovely and wonderful.. Hard to find the right word for this..) 

During this festive season, I am missing all my family and friends back in Sabah.. Truly madly deeply missing them every cny.. Then there's my direct family like my dad, my step dad and my bro, where during cny, I dun get to see them at all.. May The Lord bless each and everyone of them with His loving Grace this year..

It's awesome to have family close by isn't it? Cherish every moment of it., it's precious.. 

I just want to smile..

..or laugh.. either way, even though i am not out of the woods yet, I can still rejoice and enjoy the presence of God right here right now.. I am emotional and I know I am learning to control it better.. taking one step at a time..

I am here, now.. And I am not going to let anything spoil my journey..

'It does little good, to make the trip and miss the journey." - Max Lucado

Different child needs different attention...

I totally agree and understand that.. That is why my close friends will know that I discipline, teach and express love between my two kids a little differently.. I believe I am fair and just with no favoritism because in the end, they are my own and I love them very much. But I cannot stop others from thinking that I am when I use different method to teach, guide, encourage and discipline them.. 

I hope my kids will understand that I am fair and give them the love I believe they understand best.. I myself learnt this from my own mother when she reward my brother and I differently.. Even though, when I was much younger, I felt that she was being very unfair and bias.. But as I grow older, I realized that she was wise, wise in knowing who we are and gave us what we need (not really what we think we want.) she had gave her very best for us..

I will continue to do that for my children.. Even though I will never be perfect, I will surely do my best to be for their sake, for Christ's sake.. 

Orange + salt + stem for 15min :)

Does this work? It does, for that day that I consumed it.. But I got the cough again the next day.. So I think we have to take it for a few days consistently then it would be cure our cough hehehe.. 

Taste, a bit bitter and only after you almost finish it then only you'll get use to it haha..

Texture, a bit mushy but not too mushy.. Not as juicy.. 

Breakfast @tmn desa XD

Coming back to Tmn Desa for breakfast brought back a lot of fond memories.. :)

And while I stayed here as a young adult, I struggle with many uncertainties and questions about life. Many experiences that really make me think, choose and decide who I wanted to be.. Made the mistakes I will never ever make again and  build the friendship that was truly pure and lasting.. 

The sense of betrayed was felt since last week and I can't shake the feeling since. God has shine a new light into the matter and it's more than I bargain for. So coming back to this place today reminded me of the times I go through the worst struggles here and how far have I gone.. Here I choose to forgive my father who abandon me, the old man who violated me and the people who hurt me.. There is a sense of freedom here for me.. :) who have not gone through betrayal? I can tell you so many many times people from every level betrayed me.. Close friends, acquaintance, bosses, loved ones, mentors, mentees etc.. Who else have yet hurt me with betrayal? Hmmm Jesus is still with me :) no matter how I slipped an fall(especially someone put their feet out and caused me to fall) He teaches me to be strong and be confident in the right choices that I made.. I am weak, emotionally, but I am not to be mess with because God will use me to do great things and so I will never give up! :) I know my worth and no one can tell me other wise..

Waiting for my 'date' this morning.. Ah.. There she is :D ta or now!!!

5 things to do when you are sleepy..

1) drink coffee. Take sweets. Munch on something.

2) do stretching. Some light exercise.

3) walk around. Take in some fresh air. Go somewhere else to get energized.

4) listen to some energizing music. Songs or music that can make you dance and sing. Music that can make you feel alive and exciting!

5) go to sleep lar when you are sleepy (when you can of course. Not while you need to stay awake) kekeke

That's all folks!! ;) 

Today's weather in KL.. It looks like it's gonna rain soon.. 

馒头

My little girl's fav food.. Another fav food for hers is plain white rice.. Not very healthy and it's very fattening LOL but she is my little girl and I like the same thing XD and I think it's fine.. 

As I grow older, when I started work actually, I fell in love with salads.. Hmmm.. I love making salads for my lunch and dinner.. I like having my breakfast heavy.. So if I do hv salad for breakfast, it will be with the 3Bs- bread butter and bacon :) 

Enjoy ur day everyone.. I enjoyed mine by cooking yesterday, cooking simple dishes for the family. Oh and he list of things I need to do.. Will be able to do it during this long weekend.. :) I plan to also go and watch lion dance with my family this weekend.. Hehehe CNY! Here we come!! 

The year of the Horse!!!

I love the decor at publika.. Very artistic and huge!! I love their creativity and fine arts.. They have very good taste :) 

I heard they have lion dance every weekend till end of this month.. I should make some time to bring my kids to watch a lion dance this year.. :) more photos on CNY soon!!! 

Oops.. I missed out yesterday's post..

Aiya.. How can I missed out on a post fr yesterday!!!?? Oh I could.. Because I was indulging myself to a nice, (2 actually) drama series.. Watching TV/ online down load series is not really a profitable time to spent on a Sunday evening hor.. :p

I did cook a simple dinner, iron the kid's school uniforms, bath the kids and get them ready for bed.. 

So what did I do the whole afternoon? Besides waiting for my friends after their meeting at church, we has duck rice and then Baskin Robin ice cream.. It's was a pleasant afternoon where some of us stayed longer to chat and discuss something more serious than just ice cream..(if you know what I mean).. It dawn to me that what I should do for so many years; is may be something I shouldn't do now.. Is it God knocking on my skull asking me to look further and beyond my comfort zone? Coz I really don't want to give up!!! Is it time to do so after so many years of foolishness waiting for change and yet nothing actually happens that is a blessing to my calling? 

Profound insights or discovery I got from yeaterday's chains of events and thoughts.. But I will still pray hard for God to really show me His will.. He has the ultimate say after all.. Well, will see how God leads.. 

Today at the market..

You know you would be a little weird when you actually enjoy going to the wet market! Hahaha

I don't think any of my KL friends on friends from the west MY likes to visit the wet market ever... Unless some of my old uni housemates., perhaps lol.. Use to going to big hypermarkets I suppose.. Cleaner, some produce are cheaper, organize and it doesn't smell stinky.. 

I really feel happy waking up this morning and getting ready to go with my son. Hahaha furthermore it's going to be CNY soon.. More things to see ;) I went to KL's Air Panas wet market.. Only manage to take some photos to share to you. 

Here's a pic from my window.. Lovely weather today.. 

Then when we arrived outside the market.. The hussle and busle of the going ons.. Bring back a lot of find memories for me :) so many stuff to see!! But I came to buy some grocery so I must stay focus!!

Buy veggies!!! It's so fresh and fragrance is so fine.. Fresh green's smells so refreshing.. Looks delicious too :d

And then we bought 'siew yoke' roasted pork!! My son's fav food right now.. Everyday also ask me for it.. So I got him a whole week supply of it lol... For RM 30, we can have about 4-5 servings for our family.. Not too bad.. Taste awesome too..

After our grocery shopping, I decided that we should eat something before heading home. So we visited this small shop.. Most of the customers was senior citizen.. The difference is, that they look so happy! I felt a little out of place thought :p

Before we go in a taxi, my son saw this and really want me to get him that "brush" I seriously wonder why.. Perhaps it's the colour, it the shape, or the texture? It's funny when all other stuffs he doesn't want but want this so much that it cost more than other stuffs. Lol

It was a fantastic day., :)

Everyone is a reader...

I

I absolutely agree to this statement. The first book I fell in love with is the book called "Just Love" by...

It shared the profound truth based on the famous bible verse 1 Corinthians 13: 4-8a.. LOVE and the different love it represent in all our relationships of our lives.. It's the core of Jesus, It is God. Once I finished this book and learn about this truth, I started to love the bible and I started to read Philip Yancey's books.. His books was sooooo deep, I have to read twice or 3 times just to understand what he was saying.. It was so deep and so beyond me that it's captivating and exciting! I learnt so much from reading and getting into the head and heart of these awesome writers..

I am so glad I am getting some time to read again this season.. As I listen to the Christian Lullabies, brew a cup of tea next to my bed and read a book in the still of the night, it's really enjoyable. A book should never take the place of our bible, I agree, but with a book of a good author, we can learn so much more from them. Their experience, their vasts knowledge, their wisdom etc we can listen and even expect things to happen for our own lives as it has happened in theirs.. Their description of the word of the Bible can bring us to light and deeper understanding of our loving Creator.. It's a blessing in learning to enjoy reading..

Try it! Find a book and finish one and you will not stop reading!! 

The best feelings in the world.

I saw this title list posted by a friend who 'liked' the list on FB so I decided to write one of my own :D 

The best feelings in the world (for me):

The hugs and kisses I get from my children everyday. 

The first sip of my hot tea with my lovely Victorian cup during my reading time. 

When I snuggled next to hubby on a rainy day. 

A nice hot bath! (With my Crabtree and Evelyn shower soap or my very own home made soap)

Cried while listening to a song; or while reading a good book; or watched something really touching.

Waking up in the morning with something exciting to do or meeting someone special on that day.

Giggles with my children on anything silly (or at least to them)..

Seeing the most breath taking views!

Have problem sleeping? Listen to this...

Brush your teeth, turned off the lights, as you lay in your bed, close your eyes and listen to this.. May it be your sweet prayer to the Lord tonight.. Sweet dreams dears... http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=yvY6D34eRhY

When I was in my teen, I attended a youth group in Likas, Kota Kinabalu, Sabah. I don't get the teaching because it was in mandarin and my mandarin sucks, big time. But some how I felt God's peace and presence the minute I sat in the van that fetched me to the evening youth service.. Starts about 7pm or 730pm if I'm not mistaken.. 

There was one time, I had been missing youth meeting for a long while, for some reason, I called up and told them I will be going on that particular Saturday. As the van drove closer and the minute I sat down, I can feel God's overwhelming presence.. My eyes was watery and I cannot explain what I felt inside but it was beautiful and I could cry my sorrow away silently.. no one in the van knew I cried, no one bothered I guess but I knew God know.. because He was with me that day, in the van, waiting for me to go see him.. 

But I knew now that He was all along with me, He knew why I have been troubled and in sorrow.. He was there when things went wrong and I faced challenges that was beyond me.. He was there when I tried to be strong for my family and friends; He was there when I life lift me up and throw me down and I shattered like an egg on the hard floor.. He was there always.. But I was not aware of His presence... Until I decided to sit down and be with Him...

Now, I can't say that I always feel His presence 24/7 but I know, I really know, that He is there always.. the difference is that I will try my best to remind myself that "Hey, Jesus is here.. Don't worry. Do your best and He will handle the rest. His presence is here. His love and grace is here. He Is Here.." 

The song As the Deer (the normal version) , touched my spirit so deeply during one of the youth meetings in my teens that even though we keep repeating the song the whole night, I didn't get bored with it.. it just ministered to me and I could see myself exactly like the deer, thirsting for water.. wanting to drink from the living water, the provider of life and giver of all things good.. It was beautiful and it was never the same again when we sang the same song now.. The song has always reminded me of this moment.. the moment that I could only explain it through the senses of my spirit and my heart; logic nor wisdom cannot make sense of. 

Seek good, not evil, that you may live. Then the Lord God Almighty will be with you, just as you say he is. Hate evil, love good; maintain justice in the courts.

—Amos 5:14-15

First Tuesday of 2014..

First Tuesday of the year.. It has been another good day.. I got more emthy red packets from BIG group.. The meaning of the writing is really warmth.. It means, 'Going Home for Family Reunion' especially meaningful for those who does not stay near with their families... It's like thanks giving and Christmas for the Chinese to go home during this season and gathered with family and friends.. :) I am do glad to get to do this more than once a year with different family members.. Sometimes, it's hard to meet up all our family in one season.. Pretty tiring lor.. But some of us can have two, like me.. Christmas and CNY season to visit family and friends.. :) I am so grateful! 

First Monday of the year 2014

It was a good and fruitful day indeed!! 

1) Someone complimented me on my good phone techniques. I was so enthusiastic that he thought I was the owner of the website/company!!! Hahaha pat-myself-at-the-back moment for me :D

2) I got a paid sales in on this wonderful first Monday of the year!! Woohoo!!! Awesome start if you ask me!!!

3) I got a positive job offer today!!! Not my dream job but still, I am very grateful for the option.

4) A friend, complimented about me being really loved by my Jesus.. And she is not even a Christian. :') that really really made my day.. Recently I was thinking what I do wrong to deserve the gossip ppl hv been talking about me at church that has been hurting my heart and soul, and here someone from a different faith telling me that Jesus loves me so much!! Wah!! I cannt believe this could even be possible.. Hahaha.. I mean it should be the other way round but this is precious lar.. 

Doesn't mean no other church members supported me.. :) there are those really close friends to the point of being my family, and my leaders who knows me well enough knows that those gossips are false and untrue-- I dun even know what they said about me but a couple of them knows I guess and they told me it could be untrue.. Anyway, I will find out soon enough.. If true, I will own up to it, but they also must own up to gossiping.. Be it true or untrue the gossip is... 

First Sunday of the year..

It was a a great start for this first Sunday of the year!! Because I get to do the most important thing for the year..

First, was to worship my God in our yearly New life combined meeting at Sime Darby convention center! Went to the kids service to company my children.. The service was chaotic! But overall was great with good games, good message and good teachers.. They did very well, just that all the kids combined like that is really a huge task. Anything can go wrong geh lor.. So kudos to the Shah Alam children service team today!!! Thank you so much for your time and effort!! The children and some of their parents, really enjoyed it..

Then after the service, we drove down to meet my SIL, nephew and dad.. We had lunch and a good short catch up with everyone.. My dad drove his new motorbike down and when he reached home he texted me, told me it was great to meet up the pass few days...(met him up for dinner on Friday) my nephew even gave my son one of his old toys.. A transformer :) plan to msg them after this to make sure they reached home at Hanoi safely.. 

Then, our last important stop was back to Seremban! One of my kids fav place to visit and tht is to see their other grandparents, my in laws.. My kids always enjoys going there.. My in laws loves my kids very much.. Today I help then clean a bit here and there... And they blessed us with a nice dinner and stuffs to bring home to KL.. 

Indeed today was a blessed day, I am filled with gratitude an thanks giving :) thank you Jesus for the hope we have in you.. You are the best,. 

"I hope you never forget that."

Today I only read 2 pages of the book IN THE EYE OF THE STORM by Max Lucado and with only that 2 pages... I cried.. 

Those words, that story, it's truly heart felt.. Reminded me that I too understands, it reminded me the day I took Gigi, an abandoned dog, into my care.. Even though she bites until I bleed and my flesh turned blue black, even though I already planed to give her back, even when I knew she was old and half blind.. I still took her in, my bf (now hubby) and I decided that we could not give her back to her old, irresponsible, heartless owner.. And even though we only had her for 6-9 months, we truly loved her.. When she left us, we were heart broken.. It was painful and agonizing.. But that didnt stop me from loving again..

Few months later, we saw a puppy, bigger and older than the rest of the little puppies in the glass window.. She looks so much like Gigi! (Majority white with off white patches) But a younger version of her.. She smiles, she has so much patience with the other little puppies (while they were pulling and biting her tail in playfulness, she just let's them and plays with them too.) she is gentle and sweet.. She was the last one in her batch and all her siblings has been taken except her...

Because she is half blind...

We took her home that very same day and we named her Daisy because she is like the flower that smiles to you in the morning.. :)

In a week, my Bf surprised me with another puppy!!! Black and white fur ball!! I was like "why did you get another dog?" He said he just wanted to have a look see at a place where they sell the puppies.. This gal was also the last one in her batch, she looks ugly, that's why no one took her. He wanted to walk out but after looking around the place and the living conditions of other animals there, he couldn't abandon her, so he brought her home and be Daisy's companion.. :) we named her Minie.. 

So now, until today, after dating, my wedding and gave birth to 2 beautiful kids.. Daisy and Minie is still with us.. 

Besides knowing that Jesus knows how it feels like to be unwanted, unpicked, unpopular, abandoned etc.. I can relate to those moments too.. And it shows, it reminded me, that is why I choose Daisy and Minie.. That's why Jesus choose me (and you). Coz He knows how it feels.. I hope you will never forget that, he choose you and He knows how it feels to be you...

Rain drops is falling on my head.. da di da di da~~~~

Heavy rain today... Really heavy and stormy afternoon in KL.. Feels drenched by the sound of rain and distance thunder.. The view, as you can see, is gloomy with a hint of lighting once a while.. It feels heavy, my soul feels heavy..  But it's not the worst or bad feeling one could experience at this moment.. 

Why? Because I use to feel fear.. Absolute fear every time it rains heavily in the afternoon.. Especially when the world becomes so darken by the clouds and the trees are being blown away by the strong wind.. It's scary.. Afternoons should always be bright, sunny and hot! It should not look like "the end of the world is coming." 

Throughout the years, I have learn to overcome this fear of expecting what is unexpected, especially when it's a gloomy situation. I am a positive kinda person after all but being fearful on a terribly rainy and stormy day is somewhat  more than just being melancholic.. Perhaps it was my uncontrollable emotions, that had led me to this conclusion of fear.. Perhaps it was my wild imaginations that have led me to believe there is something to fear about the abnormality of the world.. or about the things I think should be 'normal'... but we all need the rain, even if it's a stormy, gloomy and scary one.. we need the rain.. don't you agree?

So now I no more fear, but rather I feel heavy.. not with something bad or doubtful wonders.. Just that it rains and it looks so dark and glum.. yet I know.. the rain will stop, eventually, and the sun will again rise for another day.. The difference is that I am no more fearful; the difference is I learn to appreciate the rain, the storm, the thunder; I learn to understand the loneliness sometimes I feel and how lonely it must be for some other people in the world too.. sometimes.... just by looking into the rainy day.. 

Be Different this 2014..

New year new beginnings right? many are hopeful and yet many are hopelessly stressed out because new year is a time where they are reminded of their failures, failure to achieve the goals they set last year or the year before that year and the years before before that year.. 

Let's be different this year.. in my own understanding:
1) Be SMART in our goal settings.. Specific, Measurable, Attainable, Realistic and Timly goals..
2) Do it NOW!..
3) Progress and growth is more important than filling time with mere activities..
4) Be logical and think right. Don't 'drive' emotionally..
5) There's no perfect way to it, there's only the right way..
6) Gonna feel the pain of discomfort! Change is always uncomfortable!..
7) Yea, let's keep things simple, easier to keep track and measured..
8) Sikit-sikit, lama-lama jadi bukit :D true that!!..
9) I just read an article that encourage us to track our goals DAILY at LinkedIn.. interesting write up..
10) Ah.. Mistakes and failure will not be too far away when we progress, take it as a pinch of salt, learn from it and move on;stay hopeful and positive in the mean time..
11) May God give me wisdom and discernment to know what kind of people my family and I should hang out with; May He open the door of opportunities and goodness for us this year..
12) Balance in life is important for us to stay sane in this world and I am grateful that my season now is to be release into His new calling..  

First day...

Today i had the most productive day!! I was able to clean up my kitchen!!! And that deserve a chillax time with my new Victorian tea cup with sorcer set!! Thanks to a generous friend for this special gift. 

Time to clear the closets and keep it clean and tidy.. I am going to enjoy my 2014 to the max! God is really good to me and His love endures forever.. :) may everyone out there have a really great year a head.. 

CNY is next!!! Woohoo!~~~